100 Days of Grief

"I slide to my knees and say, 'Please let this be over.' Then I'm not ready for it to be over." -Andre Agassi This quote really resonates with me today.  I feel like I'm so tired of the 'hardness' of life right now but at the same time I feel like I cling to it.  If I don't then it means that I move on from my loss and I don't want to do that.  I want to bring her with me in the future but lose the pain of her loss.  I've been thinking about if there is something I can do that will bring her with me in the future without bringing a lot of pain with it.   Did you know that I would have been 20 weeks this week?  I would have been half way there.  I would have had my ultrasound to find out if she were a girl or a boy.  I'm still sure she would have been a girl.  I would have probably started feeling her move too.  I loved feeling my babies move.  It was the strangest feeling in the world but it was wonderful....